I should be simpler!
There’s no need to complicate things.
Complicate myself.
Drama’s useless!
Don’t be pulled in.
Don’t get caught up-
Only leads to a path that goes nowhere.
Simply look ahead-
I only see you.

The Reluctant Artist
I should be simpler!
There’s no need to complicate things.
Complicate myself.
Drama’s useless!
Don’t be pulled in.
Don’t get caught up-
Only leads to a path that goes nowhere.
Simply look ahead-
I only see you.
Almost human…I am
I watch you- above me.
I look to the ground
I wonder
Where do I fit in?
What level?
Less than-
More than-
Who decides?
Who decides my value?
My rank?
I tiptoe around you
Always.
Afraid you might snap.
Will you judge who I am?
Am I almost- almost human?
Less than I am.
I didn’t sign up for this!
This is not my life!
I don’t believe what I see
It’s not me!
Why can’t I live what resides deep within
My mind
My heart and soul
I’m living someone else’s reality!
These clothes
My hair
My smile
Not me!
My work
My belief
My friends
My space
Not me!
Is it just because I go with the flow and except what I see?
Rather than creating what I know.
What I know is what is truly real…when it comes to me
You never see it, but it’s everything that I am
Why do I feel I have to give up myself to resonate with anyone else?
With anything else?
What I am a signing up for?
A role?
A job?
To be accepted?
Then, where do I go?
Where do I fit in?
Sometimes I wish I could slow down
I’m two steps ahead in my mind.
Never settled in the present
Never savoring whatever the moment reveals.
I look back while I’m looking ahead
And realized I’ve overlooked the gift
The present.
Two steps ahead in my mind
I figured I need to get ahead
Too much turmoil in my past
It never amounted to anything
But disappointment and resentment .
I move two steps ahead.
I try to outrun all the pain I’ve felt in the past.
I’m looking two steps ahead.
I’m aways on the defense.
Always avoiding the evil eye, the bickering, the useless fighting.
Guarded
I am now
I don’t want to be somewhere so unwelcoming as the past.
I’m anxious
Staying two steps ahead has kept some part of me from dying.
The part of me that’s as pure as time itself
Hope
It’s like I see my life from a distant star
I’m still not here.
My timing is off
If I would slow down-
I’d meet you in the middle
In the present.
Left alone
Always-
Never knowing where to turn-
When my heart cries out for seeing you.
Left alone
In my nightmare
You may not come back.
My meows go unnoticed
In this lonely room.
Where do I look for you
When you’re gone?
I hide in the corner again.
In my lonely room.
Someone enters
Is it you?
My hope overtakes me
It’s just another passerby.
No you in sight
I’ll just hide with the hope that you’ll walk in
I’m left alone
Once again
From: A Vision- W.B. Yeats- Published 1925
Yeats expressed that he understood that the particulars are the works of the thirteenth sphere or cycle which is in every man and called by every man his freedom.
He talks about the antithetical multiform influx preceding the verse. A gradual increase of a counter movement.
As the book is titled- A Vision
Why do you desire to put me in a box?
A box I don’t fit in
Why do humans need to put things in boxes in order to accept something?
I wait for the night
So I can live in my dream
No silence
No useless chatter
No hate
No standing in someone else’s shadow
The light shines in the darkness
Where I find myself once again
Where I find the real world
I see clearly now
Finally
In the moonlight