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I didn’t sign up for this!

This is not my life! 

I don’t believe what I see

It’s not me!

Why can’t I live what resides deep within 

My mind

My heart and soul

I’m living someone else’s reality!

These clothes

My hair

My smile

Not me!

My work

My belief 

My friends 

My space

Not me!

Is it just because I go with the flow  and except what I see?

Rather than creating what I know.

What I know is what is truly real…when it comes to me

You never see it, but it’s everything that I am

Why do I feel I have to give up myself to resonate with anyone else?

With anything else?

What I am a signing up for? 

A role?

A job?

To be accepted?

Then, where do I go?

Where do I fit in?

Sometimes I wish I could slow down

I’m two steps ahead in my mind.

Never settled in the present

Never savoring whatever the moment reveals.

I look back while I’m looking ahead

And realized I’ve overlooked the gift

The present.

Two steps ahead in my mind 

I figured I need to get ahead

Too much turmoil in my past 

It never amounted to anything

But disappointment and resentment .

I move two steps ahead.

I try to outrun all the pain I’ve felt in the past.

I’m looking two steps ahead.

I’m aways on the defense.

Always avoiding the evil eye, the bickering, the useless fighting.

Guarded 

I am now

I don’t want to be somewhere so unwelcoming as the past.

I’m anxious

Staying two steps ahead has kept some part of me from dying.

The part of me that’s as pure as time itself

Hope

It’s like I see my life from a distant star

I’m still not here.

My timing is off

If I would slow down-

I’d meet you in the middle

In the present.

Left alone 

Always-

Never knowing where to turn-

When my heart cries out for seeing you.

Left alone

In my nightmare

You may not come back.

My meows go unnoticed

In this lonely room.

Where do I look for you

When you’re gone?

I hide in the corner again.

In my lonely room.

Someone enters

Is it you?

My hope overtakes me

It’s just another passerby.

No you in sight

I’ll just hide with the hope that you’ll walk in

I’m left alone

Once again

From: A Vision- W.B. Yeats- Published 1925

Yeats expressed that he understood that the particulars are the works of the thirteenth  sphere or cycle which is in every man and called by every man his freedom.

He talks about the antithetical multiform influx preceding the verse. A gradual increase of a counter movement. 

As the book is titled- A Vision

Why do you desire to put me in a box?

A box I don’t fit in

Why do humans need to put things in boxes in order to accept something?

I wait for the night

So I can live in my dream

No silence 

No useless chatter

No hate

No standing in someone else’s shadow

The light shines in the darkness

Where I find myself once again

Where I find the real world

I see clearly now

Finally

In the moonlight

I don’t want to be in the dark anymore

My life has no meaning without the light

If I could soak in the sun all day-

What a good day it would be for me.

Bathing in the light

No more darkness

No more…not knowing where I stand

No more…not knowing what or who I am

And…who really loves me

Who really cares.

 I want to know

Who really believes in me!

I want to know

What I am capable of!

I bathe in light- forever

My beautiful sunlight

I now reside here…instead of darkness.