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Fun is all I want today

Just to have fun-

To walk in the sun

And, to feel the soft shadows of light touching my face

And, the warmth of your eyes gazing brightly towards me

To anticipate a leap of faith that brings us closer to the center of our being

I want to be excited to see you again

I want to fly to the part of you that resides high above the stars

My heart reaches far from the place I am now

But I know it’s there 

I feel it with every part of my being 

It’s true that all this fun is buried deep inside me…

Waiting to shine out and bring that light to you

Am I wrong to want better from you?

You feed me a few nibbles- 

The same thing you fed me the day before.

You don’t know me-

I keep looking to you- for you-

In hopes of change-

You can’t see what I really need.

What I want.

You see what you believe.

I am a picture of a cat 

In your mind.

No substance behind the image you see.

Please don’t poison me with your cat concepts-

You have no clue what you are dishing out.

I watch you in disdain.

It’s like you overlook what it takes to keep me alive-

In essence.

Slow poison. 

You don’t know.

My old friends-

I’ve changed.

I’m not who I used to be when we met.

I can’t understand you anymore.

You are not where I want to go.

I want to follow my own path-

Away from the gossip and the pretentious barking.

You prefer the path well walked-

Safety and comfort of the subordinate life.

You play the part. You’re always served.

You look different now-

Or, do I.

Like a stray-

I don’t fit in.

You’ve changed.

I’ve once walked with you, but no more.

You are not my destiny.

Your fancy comforts-

My soul rejects.

We have nothing in common anymore.

Our desires are not in line-

We don’t see eye to eye.

I would rather walk alone.

There are people who hate me just because I’m a cat.

The only reason!

They say, “ I hate cats!”

They don’t care to get to know, “me”!

What I believe , who I am, my virtues, my flaws.

They just say they hate cats!

They judge me before I can even meow!

What if I said, “ I hate humans!”

They’re all the same!

What kind of cat would I be then?

Pretty unpleasant at least towards humans.

You wouldn’t want to get near me-

You would probably call me an evil cat!

The only thing that would be evil-

The one true factor of evilness

Is just like them

My preconceived notion-

My judgement!

The beginning thought that I had decided to make

That I hate humans!

All my bad traits- at least in regards to humans

Stems from that thought and every action 

I would take from that original thought of hate and judgement!

So, if you hate cats , what does that say about you?

Useless cat

They tell me!

All the time

I wonder why am I here?

I never do anything right

Always in the way of whatever the agenda is.

Maybe I’m just around the wrong humans.

Maybe someone else would appreciate how I am different.

If I’m not good enough for you, there are plenty of other cats in the world.

Find another cat!

If I don’t fit in your mold of what you want

Set me free!

So I can find a human who loves me without  condition!

Don’t call me useless cat.

I don’t exist to be used by you.

Do you see me?

Lost in anxiety

Do you remember me?

I am a picture

Of a cat in your mind

No food for thought

Of the reality of me

Do you see?

Stop seeing me

Start knowing me

I should be simpler!

There’s no need to complicate things.

Complicate myself.

Drama’s useless!

Don’t be pulled in.

Don’t get caught up-

Only leads to a path that goes nowhere.

Simply look ahead-

I only see you.

Almost human…I am

I watch you- above me.

I look to the ground

I wonder

Where do I fit in?

What level? 

Less than-

More than-

Who decides?

Who decides my value?

My rank?

I tiptoe around you 

Always.

Afraid you might snap.

Will you judge who I am?

Am I almost- almost human?

Less than I am.

I didn’t sign up for this!

This is not my life! 

I don’t believe what I see

It’s not me!

Why can’t I live what resides deep within 

My mind

My heart and soul

I’m living someone else’s reality!

These clothes

My hair

My smile

Not me!

My work

My belief 

My friends 

My space

Not me!

Is it just because I go with the flow  and except what I see?

Rather than creating what I know.

What I know is what is truly real…when it comes to me

You never see it, but it’s everything that I am

Why do I feel I have to give up myself to resonate with anyone else?

With anything else?

What I am a signing up for? 

A role?

A job?

To be accepted?

Then, where do I go?

Where do I fit in?